


As He Faced The Sun (He Cast No Shadow)

by blametheone



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bisexual Character, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Homophobic Bullying, Homosexual Character, Implied homophobia, Louis in Denial, M/M, Pansexual Character, Pride, Undecided Relationship(s), canon compliant lilo, just a long sad story about stripped and restored pride, modest suck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blametheone/pseuds/blametheone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say…”</p><p>This is Liam falling in love with the way Louis marches on through all the things he's forced to face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. As He Faced The Sun (He Cast No Shadow)

**Author's Note:**

> i put so much of myself into this. it's frightening.
> 
> almost every coming out scene in this is based off my own coming out experiences all kind of jumbled up and bits added/subtracted. so, this is like, true-story-ish? it’s accurate (relatively) to one person at least, and i hope for any closeted, out or confused babies reading this that it helps you a little. 
> 
> okay, that’s my note-ly sentiment over, i love you all, regardless of orientation/gender, and i hope you like!
> 
> enjoy!! xx
> 
> (title taken from "Cast No Shadow" by Oasis)

**!WARNINGS!**

**implied past homophobia,**  
**mild homophobic behaviour from zayn for a couple seconds,**  
haphazard description of pansexuality,  
**spoilers** for a cool spanish movie,  
swearing (duh),  
underage drinking,  
**brief mentions of past bullying (physical and queer-based),**  
**brief mentions of attempted non-con sex,**  
a _lot_ of coming out scenes.

**!WARNINGS!**

 

\---~~~---

 

“I’m gay…” Louis whispered, looking around at all of the boys, young and hopeful. “Alright? I’m not hiding it, and I’m not ‘toning down’.”

The fireplace and the calm setting of the bungalow gave off the feeling that they could all be open with each other, not even mattering that the five had only just met. They had been going around the circle blurting out secrets and this one was Louis’, apparently.

“I’m flamingly stereotypical and I know it, I’m going to dress better than you sloppy pigs, I’m going to make tacky jokes and I’m going to watch Grease and you can’t fucking stop me.”

“I’ll watch Grease with you,” Harry had grinned from across the circle, surprising all of them, including Louis. “I think we’ve got it on DVD somewhere around here, actually.”

Niall had giggled then, breaking the tension of the atmosphere. He looked at Louis and smiled, raising his beer.

“Unapologetic, is it?” he grinned widely and Louis felt a rush of relief, leaning across Zayn’s lap to clink his glass of coke against Niall’s drink (underage, but Irish, so no one really cared).

No one missed how Zayn flinched from him, and though it was only a couple of centimetres at most the he moved back, he might as well have yelled derogatory slurs right in Louis’ face. The circle went silent – Harry, Niall and Liam looking between each other and back to the hellish sneer on Louis’ face.

“Did you just fucking flinch, Malik?” he spat. Zayn closed his eyes and sucked in a breath.

“No. Forget it happened,” he sneered back, scaring the shit out of everyone because they all thought Zayn was the peaceable, artistic one who kept to himself. No one realised how venomous he could sound.

“Why did you flinch, are you worried I’ll infect you?” Louis kept biting. “How deep does you ignorance reach, are you going to catch AIDS or homosexuality, huh?”

“Lou, maybe back off a little,” Liam attempted to diffuse the situation with a soothing coax.

“Shut up!” Louis whipped his head across to look at him, and Liam saw the burning in his eyes, the pain and the hurt, all of the shit he’d gotten for this before, all swarming in his blazing iris’. “Just shut up, Liam! What fucking right does he have to move away from me like that?!”

Harry looked scared, as did Niall, and Liam looked over at Zayn to find his mask cracking and revealing the terrified boy shaking underneath it.

“Louis, I know,” Liam stood, grabbing his hand. “Just lower your voice a little and-”

“How fucking dare you!”

“- _AND_ ,” Liam cut back over Louis, “Zayn, what the fuck?”

He saw the surprised looks run around the group at his cursing but he didn’t care. Zayn bounced his foot and bit his tongue.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered, looking at Louis. “Someone needs to get you a fucking leash, yeah? How about we go talk inside, okay?”

“What so you can call me a fag without Super-Liam coming in to tell you to shut up?” Louis growled and Zayn looked ready to slap him across the face.

“Fuck off!” he snapped instead, fists shaking. “I’m trying to be civil, you wanna hop the fuck off my dick about it?!”

There was a slight intake of air into Harry’s lungs at the could-be slur and Louis raised his chin, standing up and shrugging Liam off, though not before the younger boy could notice that he was trembling a little.

“Fine, Malik, let’s go speak inside,” he spat, waltzing away from them and moving into the house through the sliding door and moving into one of the rooms away from the door. Zayn followed him in with a stomp and immediately called out the older’s name as he stepped inside.

“Do you ever listen to people, or are you a jump-to-conclusions-then-stick-to-them kind of guy?” Zayn spat as he found Louis in the bathroom, wiping at his eyes a little.

“Some people really aren’t worth listening to,” Louis retorted. “People like you who think-”

“Oh, just shut up!” Zayn yelled. “Okay? Shut up and listen to me, please.”

“I don’t want to sit here and listen to you justify your ignoranc-”

Zayn suddenly moved forward and grabbed hold of the boy’s shoulders and looking him right in the eye, ignoring Louis’ squeaking.

“It’s not ignorant,” Zayn stated. “I wanted to apologize for flinching because I don’t even fucking know why I did, and then explain myself, but you seem pretty caught up in bitching me out before I get the chance, man.”

Louis stayed quiet, looking at his feet as he waited for the boy to explain.

“I’ve grown up being told it’s wrong, okay? And it’s just…” Zayn shook his head. “I don’t agree… necessarily… with like…”

“Gay sex?” Louis supplied with a sickly sweet grin, batting his eyelashes. Zayn rolled his eyes.

“I’m sorry, alright?”

“‘Sorry’ doesn’t fucking cover it,” the older snapped. “You’re not _like this_ , okay, you’re straight, you haven’t been hit and slapped and screamed at and-”

Zayn shook his head, making a noise to cut Louis off.

“Louis. I _have_ been hit and slapped and screamed at countless times for ‘being gay’, thank you. I have shit like ‘fag’ and ‘cocksucker’ yelled at me everywhere I walk in the school and there was once some kid who literally tried fucking me in the boy’s bathrooms after school because he thought that’s what I was there for,” he said plainly, ignoring the shock and horror on Louis’ face. “And I’m _straight_.”

Louis was taken aback for a second, severely confused. Zayn chuckled bitterly.

“I’m arty and I care about looking decent,” he explained. “That’s all. And like, maybe that’s why I flinched, I think I just sort of associate it all together but I’m not going to be dick about this, man. I don’t want to be.”

Zayn let go of his shoulders and shrugged. “I swore, when I signed up, that I wouldn’t be a dick to anyone, because I get shit everywhere I walk, and I’ve never even left my hometown, so, I don’t… Just, you’re still my bandmate and still my friend, alright? I just… I dunno, I just need a bit, I just… I don’t even know…”

Louis chuckled. “Ever met a gay kid before?”

“No,” Zayn scoffed. “Have you seen where I live?”

Louis laughed again and shook his head. There was an unbearable breath of silence between them as tension oozed around the room and Louis stared at his feet.

“I know I said before that I wouldn’t tone down, but… like, if you want me to?” he offered cautiously, because honestly, all Louis wanted was for everyone to be okay with this, okay with him, and if he had to hold back a little for one person to get them used to… well, used to _him_ , then that was okay.

Louis knew, gay or not, he could be a bit much sometimes.

Zayn smiled and shook his head. “Make me get used to it. I really like you guys, and I like this band. I don’t want to fuck it up for something I’ll probably see as petty in a couple years.”

Louis grinned, ecstatic and giddy with Zayn’s answer. “Does that mean I can make a lot of dick jokes, you know, just throw you in head first? Hey look, there’s my first one!”

Zayn made a face and groaned, actually looking a little green, causing Louis to laugh hard. Zayn rolled his eyes.

“Just go back to the fucking campfire, like, God, Louis,” he shook his head. “ _Head first_ , really?”

“Well, that’s how it goes,” Louis made a ‘duh’ face, sauntering his way back to the circle with Zayn trailing behind, palm to his face.

 

Needless to say, by about the second week of the X Factor, Zayn was giggling along with Louis’ jokes and it was as if the whole kerfuffle never happened. He didn’t go green anymore except when Louis graphically explained his past experiences or even some porn he was watching, and only about five weeks in Zayn was unfazed by that too.

 

 

“What the fuck is this?” Louis pointed to one of the lines in the contract. “‘ _Modest Management has the right to control the publicity of the undersigned’s romantic and/or sexual affairs’_? What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means they get to say if you have a girlfriend or not and who she is,” Zayn coughed, leaning forward. “I mean, I think. And if you have some casual fuck one night and pictures are released they get to say who it is, how, where and why.”

Louis tensed his jaw. “What if it wasn’t a girl?”

“That line means,” this _Modest!Management_ representative, Craig, cut in to explain, “What Zac said-”

“Zayn.”

“Whatever. It means that _and_ that Modest decides if you come out and when, can give you a fake girlfriend if need be-”

“Fake boyfriend?” Harry smirked, his eyes barely looking up from the fine printing.

“Gay is not the image you want,” Craig glared. Zayn scoffed, shouting out a bitterly sarcastic laugh.

“Five boys who decided to go on a _singing_ _show_ rather than keep their dignity, all touchy-feely and two _so fucking camp_?” Zayn giggled. “That’s not gay at all.”

“It’s cute, girls will like it-”

“It’s _gay_ ,” Zayn confronted, eyebrows raised and voice even, edged with a definitive tone, picking up a pen and signing his name with his right hand and grabbing his cigarettes with the left. “I’m stepping outside for a smoke, anyone want to join me?”

Louis poked his tongue in his cheek and bit down, hard. “I’ll meet you there in a second, yeah?”

Zayn nodded and left the room, already pushing a cigarette between his lips. Niall threw down his copy of the contract and leant back in his seat. Harry was staring at the drying ink on Zayn’s copy, a shocked and almost hurt expression on his face.

“What’s the problem with that line, Tomlinson?” Craig pondered out loud, trying to see if there was a situation to diffuse or if the young man genuinely could not understand the question. Louis chuckled bitterly.

“I’m _gay_ ,” he boldly stated. “I don’t like girls, what does that mean for me? Does that mean-”

“That’s something that would be discussed at a later date, provided you sign onto our management with the rest of the group.”

“Zayn’s already signed, does that mean we’re already a part of this?” Liam spoke, finally making his presence noticeable. Craig shook his head.

“No, it’s a group contract, the majority of you have to sign for it to be legitimate.”

“And if one or two don’t?”

“Then one or two are kicked out of the band.”

Louis sighed, wishing horribly he hadn’t come out to this dick as Harry clicked and unclicked the pen in his right hand uncontrollably and Niall twirled his uncapped one between the fingers on his left. Liam watched Louis’ features carefully as he spoke softly.

“This is a lot of things to take in at once…”

Liam didn’t sign until Louis did.

 

Harry came out to them about halfway through the Up All Night Tour. And like, everyone knew, but they all pretended to be surprised for his sake.

Well, except Louis.

“Guys, come on, those were the most fake surprised faces I’ve ever seen in my life,” he scoffed, looking up at the shaking, bright red, barely-eighteen year old. He opened up his arms which Harry gladly barrelled into at full speed, relieved and terrified all at once.

Louis grinned at him and ruffled his curls, looking around the group.

“Now, Harold, you understand how obvious you are about not being straight, right?” he asked with the widest smile any of them had seen, ignoring Liam’s chaste, ‘Louis!’ with a flick of his fringe.

Harry blushed a deeper red than what the group thought was possible and buried his face into Louis’ shirt.

“No, no, no,” Louis tutted, pushing Harry’s face back up. “We all love you. Always have, always will. You’re bisexual, and unapologetic. Never, _ever_ let someone else make you afraid of who you are.”

And okay, so Harry started crying, just a little (he bawled like a baby) at Louis’ unexpected pride ‘speech’, and he was quickly enveloped in a band hug, Niall jumping onto the spare space in Louis’ lap to hug Harry’s side and Zayn standing around the side of the couch to wrap his arms around Louis and Harry’s heads.

Liam got up and walked out of the room, holding his breath in case he let out a sob before he was out of earshot because there was this disgustingly un-foreign emotion that rose through his chest as soon as Louis said ‘unapologetic’.

He went to his hotel room and cried into his pillows for a solid fifteen minutes before he passed out. Completely unaware of the fact that Louis came to check on him about a half hour after left the room, or that Louis smiled at him sadly from the doorway, or that he came and sat on the bed next to him and pushed his curls back fondly, or that he whispered a short, “you don’t have to hide from me, Liam…” as he left the room.

 

Louis was watching some movie, and Liam thought he was asleep until he got up suddenly, a small sob falling from his lips as he ran into the adjoining bathroom of their hotel room.

“Lou?” Liam called after him. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine!” he called back, voice shaky. Liam looked back and forth between the TV and the bathroom door and smirked.

“Did the movie make you cry?”

 _“N-no!”_ Louis insisted, and Liam could practically see his pout through the closed door.

“Louis, be honest.”

The door swung open suddenly and Louis had tears on his cheeks and a shuddering chest.

“He _died_ Liam, he died just as the love of his fucking life realised he loved him back _all this time_ ,” Louis sobbed, rushing over to Liam’s opening arms. “And then h-he saw h-him an-nd they…”

Liam snorted and just rubbed Louis’ back, letting the older cry it all out, because he didn’t cry often and this was good for him seeing as all the stress they went through got bottled up behind those dazzlingly stormy eyes and over-done bravado. Liam wasn’t about to stop it.

Louis sat up eventually and looking over at the rolling credits with tears along the line of his bottom eyelid. He took in a deep breath and let it out shakily.

“God. That was the best anti-drug advertisement I’ve ever seen,” he joked, wiping at his eyes and Liam laughed.

“How were you even watching that?” asked, pushing Louis’ slightly dampened fringe aside. “It was all in Spanish, I got lost two minutes in.”

“It had subtitles, Liam,” Louis scoffed. “I don’t want to think about it, I’m gonna start crying again. Can we go to sleep now?”

And there it was, that weird thing they had. With every other guy it was fine, they went to sleep separately in their separate beds and that’s how it worked and it wasn’t questioned because what was there to question?

With Louis it was different – they’d go to bed at the same time, in the same bed. Sometimes they cuddled, but mostly not. Liam can’t even remember how it started, but all he knew was that it was an unspoken rule between him and Louis that if they were to share a room, they would share the bed and out of courtesy they would go to sleep at the same time as to not wake up the other body.

Liam looked down at the red, puffy eyes and the pink, pouty lips and chuckled.

“We can go to sleep now, Lou.”

Louis spooned him that night, resting his forehead against the curve of Liam’s neck briefly as they drifted off, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other cradling the younger’s head to run his fingers through the curls.

 

Liam kind of came out to them slowly across the span of the Take Me Home Tour, starting with Niall. He didn’t plan for it to be Niall, but it was.

They were sharing a hotel room and Niall was scrolling through God knows what on the internet, and Liam watched with a tiny frown as the blonde’s face suddenly contorted with confusion, taken aback by something.

He looked up at Liam through the floppy strands of his bleached fringe.

“What’s pansexual?” he asked, completely confounded having never heard of anything outside of the standard L, G, B and T before. Liam felt his heart escalate a little but forced himself to stay calm.

“It’s like… everything. You don’t care about gender at all.”

“Isn’t that bi?”

Liam shook his head and shrugged. “Well, like, it’s similar, and a lot of people identify as bi _and_ pan… but bi is just attracted to male and female, pan is the attraction to everyone else as well. Do you get it?”

Niall made a soft, ‘huh’ and nodded, looking kind of impressed (mostly with himself at being able to understand something in the queer community for just about the first time).

“How do you know all this?” the blonde asked him suddenly, looking up and Liam stared at his fingers intently, heart close to breaking through his ribs, bowels and stomach threatening to empty themselves at the same time and skin going cold and sweaty all at once.

“Because I’m pan.”

There it was, it was there and it was out and he couldn’t bring it back.

Liam sat, shaking like a Chihuahua outside in winter, while Niall made the same impressed-looking face with just a hint of surprise in his barely raised eyebrows.

“Really?” he asked, and Liam nodded unsurely. “Huh. That’s kind of cool.”

Niall was silent for a little bit before piping up, “We’re kind of turning out more and more gay with every tour, aren’t we?”

Liam couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips, the blonde relieving his anxiety in a way only Niall could do. The both of them laughed about useless nonsense until they went to sleep and Liam felt so much weight suddenly lifted off him, just in telling one person.

He went to sleep questioning how the hell Harry managed to come out to all of them at once.

 

Harry was, actually, the next person he told, this time actually _deciding_ to come out. He pulled him aside when they were getting their make-up done for some interview and asked him quietly with a smirk, “how did you find the courage to come out to all of us at once? I nearly shit myself just telling Niall.”

Harry, of course, was ecstatic and asking him way too many questions than they had time for, and kept his hand at the small of Liam’s back all through the interview.

 

Zayn was next. It was pretty simple, they were watching movies together to try and fight off the jetlag, and Liam stared right at the screen as he said calmly,

“I like boys too. And, well, everyone.”

Zayn kind of just looked at him for a while, then pushed at his shaved head with a giggle.

“You made me miss my favourite part!” he crowed, and Liam laughed along with him, shoving back until they were wrestling on the floor in a fit of laughter.

Zayn sighed and flopped down on Liam’s chest.

“Niall was asking Harry questions the other day, you know,” he said matter-of-factly, well, as matter-of-fact as you can get with your face mushed into your best friend’s chest, sherbet on your lips and Iron Man playing idly in the background. “You watch, I’m going to be the only straight one left in this bloody boyband.”

 

Coming out to Louis was the hardest and Liam didn’t know why. It was kind of like telling your parents, in some weird way, but it felt like there was more at stake. And that didn’t make any sense because Louis wasn’t going to judge him or be weird about it, Louis was _gay_. It was just scarier for some reason.

It was late at night, and they were cuddling again, though this time they were face-to-face. Or, more face-to-chest, that is, Louis’s face to Liam’s chest, the older boy feeling particularly vulnerable and tired after a long day of dealing with a lot of bullshit.

He had been ranting to Liam for about an hour, earlier, and his voice had gotten shaky at parts, talking about Eleanor and how he really loves her as a person and he hated how hard it was to go out with her because if they were just friends, if they didn’t have so much pressure it would be so much easier, and not to mention the half hour long phone-call meeting with management earlier.

Liam was combing his hand through Louis’ hair, smiling at the contented hums the older gave out, the soft sighs through his nose bouncing against Liam’s shirt, the way he curled in closer or stretched out every so often.

“Louis?” he whispered softly.

“Mm?” Louis grunted in reply, listening but too drained to actually form words.

“I’m not straight,” was all he said. Louis looked up at him slowly, blinking blearily.

“I know, love,” he replied, and Liam was legitimately shocked. Was he obvious, had someone blabbed?

“How many people have you told?” Louis asked casually and Liam looked at him in surprise, mumbling softly,

“Well… um. Like, Ni, Haz and Zayn all know, and I told Nicola, and that’s it?”

Louis made a face. “What about your parents? Or Matt and Aiden?”

Liam shook his head. “I don’t want to have to deal with explaining to my parents that I’m not straight but I’m not gay, and that I’m not confused-”

Louis snickered.

“-and those two… I don’t know, I just don’t want to tell them? I don’t want to ruin things?”

Louis nodded and kept quiet, burying his head back into the pillows against Liam’s shirt, nosing into the fabric to get comfy.

“I’m going to be honest,” he said after a while. “I’m kind of upset that you told the whole rest of the boys before me.”

Liam opened his mouth to defend himself but was cut off by Louis’ little shh-ing noises.

“It’s okay,” he smiled into Liam’s chest. “I’ve just been waiting for you to tell me. Do you feel better, now that it’s out?”

Liam smiled a little to himself and made an affirmative noise. Louis chuckled.

“Good,” he looked up a little. “I was sick of giving pride speeches while you slept.”

 

Liam was honestly surprised at how well Louis and Harry dealt with the media’s invasions and speculations on their sexualities, and how well they glass-closeted themselves.

Liam grew more and more mad with every hetero-centric veil they set down on Louis’ head, every part of his pride they smashed, forcing him to say things in interviews and tweeting things from his twitter account, threatening to ruin his career forever if he popped one toe out of line.

Liam watched Louis’ pride wither away, watched him become less comfortable with boys, and with the subject of anything queer.

Liam watched Louis die slowly.

 

_“Fag!” Craig shouted. “Don’t fucking sign! You’re just the gay one!”_

_“You can’t sing and you’re fucking ugly!” Zayn._

_“You’re the reason we lost X-Factor!” Niall. “Pity vote!”_

_“You’re so clingy, it’s pathetic.” Harry._

_“I…” Liam looked down this shoes. “You’re just not worth it, Louis. You aren’t worth anyone’s time. You’re dragging the band down.”_

_“No!” Louis cried out. “Liam, no! Please!”_

“LIAM!!” Louis’ eyes snapped open as the name slipped softly from his lips, thankfully not yelled as it was in his dream. He slowly blinked himself awake, letting the words sink in over and over and over.

 _Fag, the gay one, can’t sing, ugly, pity vote, clingy, pathetic, worthless, worthless,_ he was so _fucking worthless._

And he was _crying_. Louis let out a shuddering breath of defeat as he realised his eyes were wet and stinging with prickly heat, staring blearily at the thick material of the bus bunk curtains. His eyes censored the view with a thorough blur as tears piled higher then spilled over, dripping onto the bridge of his nose and down the bone of his cheek, straight onto his ear, hair and pillow.

Why the fuck was he _crying_ , for God’s sake? He was _Louis_ , he was so much better than crying because his own subconscious conjured up a couple of nasty words. Honestly, his Twitter life was enough to prove that he stopped giving shits about name-calling a long time ago. He was sixteen when something shifted and suddenly he stopped caring. It was no longer snapping back and feeling sorry for himself alone later, it was snapping back and feeling good when he realised no one could hurt him.

Except himself apparently.

Louis let out a soft sob, body heaving with it to keep as quiet as possible, not remembering if anyone else was on the bus with him tonight and not wanting to take any chances of being heard.

“Louis?”

 _Shit_. Liam was here, apparently, and he had heard.

“Lou, are you alright?”

Louis bit his lip down, swiping at his tears and sucking in a deep breath, _‘Come on, voice, be nice…’_

“Yeah, I’m fine, Li,” he croaked out, cursing his vocal chords for stuttering and breaking rather than playing nice like he had pleaded. He heard shuffling and a soft, “Bullshit.”

“Shouldn’t swear, Liam, it’s a bad habit,” he joked as the curtain was pulled back just enough for Liam’s eye to gaze around his bunk. “Excuse you, Payno, _rude_. I could have been _wanking_.”

Liam smirked. “I know what you sound like when you’re wanking, unfortunately.”

Louis huffed and turned over, his back to Liam, whole body sighing exasperatedly and his whole face moving to roll his eyes – just to express how much he opposed the warm body crawling into the bunk to press against him. And he would forever maintain that turning around to curl into Liam’s chest was also a sign that he was unwanted and that Liam misread a very simple, basic part of body language.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Liam wrapped his arms around Louis’ torso. “Stop acting tough, Lou, I know you’re crying.”

Louis just pressed his face into Liam’s shirt and ignored the second half of his words. “I just had a nightmare. Just a little shaky, I’ll be alright in a bit, Li. Keep your hairy tits calm.”

Liam didn’t even bother asking if Louis wanted to talk about to dream, didn’t bother asking what happened because he definitely knew Louis by now – Louis did not talk about his nightmares. No one really knew if that was a good thing or a really bad thing, but it’s what happened. There was no point pressing and poking, because you’d get a fake answer anyway.

Louis let a few more tears slip away into Liam’s shirt and cringed as a visible sob shuddered up his spine. Liam didn’t point it out, or say a word about it, just ran his thumb over the bare skin of Louis’ side and resting his chin on top of the older’s head.

“You’re alright, okay?” he whispered softly. “I’m right here, and I’m never letting you go.”

Louis didn’t mean to let go for a second and sob, loudly, into the space between Liam’s pecs, fists curling into the fabric of his plain white t-shirt.

“Louis, stop holding it together. It’s not like I’m going to tell the others…” Liam mumbled, shifting his head a bit so that his lips were right by the line of Louis’ hair, but not kissing it because they weren’t like that. “Or ask you, for that matter. You’ve cried for me before.”

Louis didn’t let go suddenly, didn’t start screaming and sobbing and asking for Liam to hold him. Rather, he just let out another hiccupped sob because Liam was right. So, the older cried softly and quietly into his chest until he felt better, mumbled a thank you to an already sleeping Liam before conking out himself.

 

_“You don’t have to hide from me, Liam,” Up All Night Louis crooned into his ear, and Up All Night Liam smiled fondly._

_“I know…” he sung back, holding on tight to the boy in his arms._

 

“Morning, boys,” Harry smirked as he drew back the curtain to reveal the two now-awake band members, all cuddled up close. “Just a routine cuddle fest, I see?”

Harry didn’t miss the red of Louis’ eyes, nor the tear tracks on his cheeks, but he was ignoring them. He was treating it normal because they all knew what Louis was like, and if he made a big deal about it – even pouting or a slightly worried expression – then Louis would clam up and probably refuse to get off the bus without full hair and make-up done and that just wasn’t possible right now.

“‘Course,” Louis smirked up at him blearily. “Jealous, Styles?”

“Never,” Harry grinned. “We’re leaving in ten, get up and be ready for the car, yeah?”

“Done,” Liam mumbled, eyes still closed and voice rough with sleep. Louis chuckled at him and poked Liam’s nose to earn a less-than-approving groan from the younger.

Harry laughed at the two and drew the curtains closed slowly, flickering his eyebrows at Louis suggestively with his gaze bouncing between the two beings in the bed. Louis flipped him off just as the space between the curtains narrowed to nothing.

Liam grinned up at him, blinking his eyes open. His mind was foggy with sleep but he wasn’t completely out of it.

“How are you feeling?” he asked softly and Louis smiled.

“Fine as ever. The question is, Liam, how are _you_ feeling? You look like shit,” Louis grinned at him cheekily. “You better not be sick because I’ll either catch it or have to take care of you or both.”

Liam chuckled, closing his eyes again. “‘M just tired…”

He brought his arm up to cover his own face and Louis poked his armpit, the sensitivity of the spot causing Liam to whip his arm back down and pout at the culprit.

“Get up, I can’t get out until you do,” Louis said steadily, not joking but not stern. It was fond, as it always was with Liam. Liam raised his arm to cover his eyes again, smirking.

“Just climb over, I would literally prefer to get kneed in the bollocks than get up right now. You’d probably love a good fondle anyway,” he joked.

Liam didn’t see it due to the obstruction over his eyes but Louis’ face fell like lead, the words from his dream rushing back at full force.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered out a laugh, too fake to even fool a semi-conscious Liam Payne. The younger removed his arm, and the second he caught sight of Louis the poor eldest member had no choice but to be held tight against the hard chest, pulled down suddenly with a squawk.

“What did I say?” Liam pouted. “You’re all sad again. Was it the fondling joke? Because, like, I mean, I wouldn’t ever mean it like that, I just… I’m sorry.”

Louis looked up at him and chuckled breathily, rolling his eyes.

“I’m fine, Liam, I’m not made of glass,” he said, moving to get up, only he was held down tight by Liam’s strong grip.

“Yeah, but you used to get that shit a lot, and it wasn’t ever friendly,” Liam said with a deadpan, staring right into Louis’ eyes. “I shouldn’t have said it, I’m sorry.”

Louis smiled and shook his head, patting Liam’s cheek. “Calm down, Payno, alright? It’s okay, really.”

Liam nodded slowly and let go of Louis, holding his breath and only squeaking very quietly as Louis purposely leaned half of his weight onto his crotch, grinning at Liam like he was a perfect angel.

“Dick…” Liam muttered under his breath, trying his hardest not to scream in pain after Louis’ cackle that was echoing down the corridor of the bus walls, because he refused to give that little shit the satisfaction.

 

Louis scoffed as Harry walked past – saunter down to a point, pink shirt shimmering and silver boots glittering in the dim, backstage lights. He looked up at Liam and smirked, fixing his earpiece – _sparkling_ earpiece, mind – in.

“He’s not even the gay one,” Louis joked and Liam laughed, eyes crinkling and back bending.

 

“Can you believe we won’t be doing this in a week?” Liam pondered aloud, hands folded behind his head and Louis sprawled across his front.

“I hope, for your sake, that you aren’t talking about our sleeping arrangements, Payno,” Louis raised an eyebrow, mischief in his voice. “Because you aren’t getting rid of me or my cuddles that quickly.”

Liam rolled his eyes and tapped his finger against the space between Louis’ back dimples and ass-crack, right on the brand new tattoo. Louis yelped and pulled a face of pain, pinching Liam’s arm in retaliation.

“Seriously. What are you even going to do?”

“Apparently, I’m going to have a kid,” Louis grinned. “I’m also meant to be proposing, publicly, to Harry. And, um… yeah. I think that’s all I have in my diary for now.”

“Boring.”

Louis chuckled. “I like boring. It’s a nice break from go-go-go.”

Liam nodded and brushed at his hair, letting his head fall back and closing his eyes in preparation for sleep.

“Oh, and I’m dragging you on a holiday with me.”

 

And then it was March, of the next year.

 

“I’m doing it,” Louis said clearly as he sat down next to Liam. “Today. I’m doing it.”

“Doing what?”

“I’m coming out.”

Liam raised his eyebrows and looked down at the head of chestnut locks burrowing into his shoulder.

Their contracts had ended a couple of months previous and Harry had already said it the day after the break with a picture on Instagram of a boy kissing his left cheek and a girl his right with the caption, ‘ _We haven’t been formally introduced yet. I’m Harry Styles, bisexual_.’ Liam had decided not to bother until he was given a reason, like a boyfriend or beau, and Niall had grinned when they all discussed as such, happy to help and support in any way possible (including being the boy kissing Harry’s cheek in the picture) like the good little Irish cherub he’d always been.

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

He probably shouldn’t have asked that, for the high risk of taking Louis’ burst of confidence and shredding it but he needed to know. The past few years had taken Louis’ pride and soul in a long race of ‘how to turn a gay man straight’. It wasn’t possible, and they broke him, they fucking broke him and the past few months had been an endless cycle of break downs and reminding Louis that he was not worthless, and that he also was not the only homosexual in the entire world.

Going constantly back of forth from Louis wanting to come out as flamboyantly as possible with sparkles and rainbows and lots of bad humour, wanting to kiss the nearest pretty boy in public with his middle finger to the sky – to completely closing himself off and screaming that he wished he was never born, that he was a teenage girl’s mistake anyway, that he never should have auditioned, that he never should have told their managers in the first place.

It had been months on end, reminding him of who he was and why he was so open when they first met, and just being there to say, ‘take your time, your sexuality is not and has never been any of their fucking business.’

Louis nodded steadily, a grin slowly spreading. “Yeah. Liam, I want to do this, I really do.”

Liam could not stop the smile spreading across his face as he pushed a hand against Louis’ face and wrestled him into the couch, giggling manically.

“Alright then, how?”

Louis shrugged, giggling as he pushed pathetically at Liam. “I don’t know. Twitter?”

 

 **[@Louis_Tomlinson]** hi I’m gay !! ahahahahahaha

 

Liam looked at his phone, staring at the tweet blankly and then followed back up to Louis’ beaming face, struggling to keep a straight face.

“You… that is actually the most boring, uncreative way of coming out, _ever_.”

“Well, it got the point across didn’t it?” Louis giggled – _giggled_ – and ran off somewhere, probably just bouncing around his own house to let off some of his excited energy.

Liam watched him, watched the smile shining – no, _blazing_ – from his mouth, wider than ever and eyes so squinted you couldn’t even tell what colour they were. He was like a little ball of sunlight a kinetic energy, running around screaming, “I DID IT, I DID IT, I FUCKING DID IT!!” with a few sporadic, “I’M SO GAY, LIAM, AND NOW THEY ALL KNOW”s thrown in there too.

He was marching on through it all, through all the shit he had been put through and he came out, literally came out, kicking and punching the other end. He was so brave, and so strong, and so well put back together after what had happened.

Louis had healed himself, had made his own way and had proved that he could do this, that this was who he was.

Liam was completely and utterly in awe.

 

“L-Liam…” Louis whispered down the phone. “What are you doing right now?”

Liam sniffed, trying to open his eyes wide enough to actually read the numbers on his phone.

“Um… I was sleeping, I think?” he answered. “Why, what do you need?”

“No, its fine, go to sleep,” Louis assured and that set off so many red lights in Liam’s head, because Louis wouldn’t care if he was sleeping or not unless something was wrong. Prioritizing was not Louis’ strong point, okay?

“Lou? What’s going on? What do you need?” he sat up. Louis sniffed down the line and whispered softly.

“I really need you here for a bit…” he mumbled, sounding unsure and hesitant. Liam frowned and shook his head.

“Lou, I can’t drive like this, it’s three in the morning. Can you come down here?”

“No, don’t worry-”

“Louis,” Liam insisted. “If you won’t drive down here I will come up there, it’s okay. I was just wondering if you’d come here instead.”

Louis was quiet for a bit before he uttered a soft, “I’m coming down,” and hanging up the call.

He arrived about an hour later with a large overnight bag and tears on his cheeks and Liam immediately pulled the man into his arms and just cradled him there in the front room, whispering soft hushes and soothing words into his ear.

Liam didn’t even ask for a whole twenty minutes. They hugged just inside the doorway for a good amount of time, before Liam moved them into the kitchen where Louis sat atop the bench counter while Liam sleepily made two cups of tea – his arms around Louis’ waist and Louis’ head resting on his shoulder while they waited for the kettle to boil.

Once the tea was made, the two still stayed in the kitchen for a bit, Liam rubbing Louis’ back soothingly, hugging his torso while Louis wrapped his legs around Liam’s hips for convenience of proximity.

“Come on,” Liam pulled back a little, cupping Louis’ jaw with both hands. “Tea’s getting cold, and this is uncomfortable. Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

Louis nodded, not yet trusting his voice, following Liam absently up to his bedroom.

The younger man flopped onto his bed instantly, cuddling into the pillows while Louis quickly pulled his hoodie and socks off. He clambered in and buried himself half under the covers with his front pressed right up against Liam’s chest, still sniffling a little.

“So,” Liam started, sitting up and reaching over to the bedside table where the mugs of tea sat idly. “Am I going to get an explanation tonight or will it wait until morning?”

Louis tilted his head from Liam’s lap to look up at him, mulling the thought over. He made a quick decision and sat up also, turning so that his back was against Liam’s front this time, sitting in his lap. Liam smiled to himself at the vulnerability, at Louis’ way of expressing that he was scared and sad and wanted to be held but didn’t want to admit it.

Liam didn’t say anything, just picked up Louis’ tea and wrapped his arms around the man in his lap, handing the mug over but not removing his limbs from the waist they had settled on.

There was a whole heart-wrenching, tea-sipping, breath-heaving five minutes before any words were formed, before any noise at all was made bar the soft sipping and distance clock ticking. Five minutes didn’t seem like much until you had a distraught human being sipping tea in your lap.

“It was Twitter,” Louis said quietly after the silence. Liam knew instantly in that sentence, but stayed quiet and let Louis embellish.

“I don’t… I don’t know why I went on…” his voice was crackly and rough around the edges. “I don’t know if my subconscious or whatever wanted to hear it, if I was curious, if I thought it would be fun…”

Liam sighed. He thought it might just be general hate, but as Louis’ words kept spilling it was appearing to be more along the lines of actually searching for hate.

“So, I… I like, I typed ‘Louis fag’ and that’s it and…”

Liam made a noise against Louis’ shoulder. “Louis, its not-”

“No, don’t start,” Louis cut over in a hurt tone, voice already straining again. “Don’t bullshit me about how none of it’s true because it _is._ It is true, okay? I’m pathetic and I’m disgusting and I look like shit ninety eight percent of the time and the other two percent is photoshopped and smothered in make-up and I’m never, ever going to settle down because I’ve never even had a proper boyfriend and I’m-”

“Shut up.”

Louis stopped, a little shaken by Liam’s tone. “Pardon?”

“I said, shut up,” Liam repeated in the same bored, frustrated tone. “The only true thing you just said to me was that you technically haven’t had a proper boyfriend and that two percent of the time your pictures are photoshopped.”

Louis stayed quiet, not entirely knowing what to say. Liam took a bold leap and kissed his neck softly, letting out a deep sigh against the dampened spot.

Because Louis had his days, you know? He had his good days where everything was going to be great and he could live with his bullshit for once. Louis had days where he looked great and he knew it and he refused to let anyone tell him otherwise.

But then he had the bad days, too. The days where he wouldn’t even get out of bed unless they had a signing or an actual concert or an interview – but even then he pulled out half of the time. Days where everything was ‘disgusting’ and he told Liam once when he was drunk on one of those days that he regretted eating everything he had consumed in the past week.

Louis had his days, and Liam honestly didn’t even know which of those he was in right now – or if he was neutral, just a little vulnerable from reading the things he had.

Either way, he had to be there to support Louis, and he always would be no matter what.

“Seriously, babe,” Liam mumbled. “You’ve got to stop listening to people who have never seen you in person, people who are literally just saying things to get people mad, people who don’t even mean it. I got the privilege of watching you grow up and you got better in every way, each day. Listen to me, Lou, they aren’t worth it.”

Louis stayed quiet, drinking his tea to fill the silence because he didn’t know what to say, everything sounded wrong in his head and probably worse out loud.

Until, “Someone said I’m the useless fag of the group,” fell from his lips before he could stop it.

“Well,” Liam scoffed. “Yeah. Louis, you know what these people say, you’ve been getting this shit your whole career. Life, even.”

Louis stared at his tea and Liam sighed out a ‘come on’ and pushed at Louis’ thighs until they were sitting face to face and the half-drunk, mostly cold tea was set aside on the table.

“You knew this would happen,” Liam lifted his chin, smiling softly. “You knew, when you came out, you knew people would say shit. We talked about it, we both knew that they would only get worse afterwards, because it wasn’t assumptions anymore.”

Louis didn’t meet his eyes until Liam brushed their noses together briefly, and it felt so intimate for some reason but that really wasn’t the point right now.

“And I said, I’d be right here. I’ll remind you that you get one hate comment for every five supportive ones, that you now have a gaggle of fanboys who all want you-”

Louis laughed and looked away.

“-and that you _don’t care_ what other people think. You’re _Louis_. Unapologetic?” Liam coaxed. “Don’t let what someone else says make you afraid of who you are?”

Louis looked up at him with tears in his eyes, trying desperately to blink them back and cupped Liam’s chin. It was all a bit much and Louis’ emotions, wellbeing and stream of consciousness were all a little shaken right now.

“You’re so good, you know that?” he said softly, voice cracking a little. “You’re too good to be real. Real people aren’t like this.”

Liam shrugged and made a small smile with tight lips. “I’m real, Lou. I’m just giving you what you deserve.”

Louis chuckled bitterly, the laugh a little wet, and shook his head. “Shut up. Just shut up, Liam. You suck.”

Liam giggled and felt the instinct to lean in and brush noses again or _kiss_ or even just lean their foreheads together, fighting back against it because _that wasn’t them_. They didn’t do that. No matter how sexual the tension between them got, no matter how emotionally close they were, how much they supported each other and no matter how strong their feelings might have been at any given time throughout knowing each other – they didn’t do that.

Louis didn’t fight back, though, tilting his chin up and pressing their lips together softly.

Liam startled but didn’t pull away until Louis did. His blue eyes were wide and blazing with humiliation, arms attempting to push himself up to leave, only Liam caught Louis’ shoulders and kissed just below his mouth in a way of getting him to stay.

They both stared at each other like deer in headlights, unsure yet un-cautious as they quickly leaned together again, mouths meeting in a soft clash.

Eyes floated between open and closed, eyes meeting tentatively as if to ask if everything was okay. It was shy and it was awkward, but as their lips met again and again the tension leaked away.

Things began getting heated, both of them caught in the moment as Louis’ hands wandered up Liam’s sides, squeezing into the hard-toned muscle. Liam kept both hands firmly on the jut of Louis’ hips, thumbs pushing into the dips on either side. Their tongues messily wrestled, more tickling and scoping around than a dominance battle, and they were both panting into each other’s mouths in the dizziest ways.

With each passing second it got more heated, each kiss was harder and each press of fingers more forceful, Liam’s hands moving up Louis’ back to press them closer together.

Until Louis pulled away with a choked noise, ducking his head. The mood of the room dimmed considerably as the twenty-four year old took the time to stammer out his thoughts.

“Can... Can we not-... I just, I don’t want…” Louis’ gaze bounced around nervously as he tried forming words that just weren’t working. He broke his resolve with a tired sigh and a soft-spoken plea.

“Can we just lay here?” Louis kissed Liam’s chin in punctuation. “Please?”

Liam took a moment to process what Louis was asking (and hey, his brain was a little foggy from previous events, give him a break) before he nodded jerkily, hands tracing patterns on Louis’ spine.

“Okay...” he nodded, kissing Louis again for good measure. “Okay.”

Louis smiled softly and it was a blatant reminder that softness, comfort and familiarity is kind of what he needed right now. And Liam, as ways, was more than willing to give it to him.

They lay down slowly, Louis moving from on top of Liam’s chest to them lying face-to-face on their sides, mouths still meeting in languid greetings.

Liam’s hand was resting gently on Louis’ waist still, thighs pressed together and Louis carding his fingers through the short hair on the top of Liam’s head.

Their mouths lazily moved together in soft, slow kisses, barely moving at all the closer each body drifted to sleep. Louis pecked the last kiss on the smile line between Liam’s mouth and cheek, before cuddling in to drift off to sleep, forgotten tea going cold on the bedside table.

 

Liam woke up alone.

Not all that unexpected, really. Louis was quite the insomniac, never asleep for more than four straight hours in one hit unless he took his pills or was extremely hungover, always waking up during the night in restless fits. It was unsurprising that he would wake up before Liam and just not bother getting back into bed. He had probably only gotten an hour or two of sleep.

Liam got up slowly, incredibly tired and groggy but determined to find Louis. If the tinkling of ceramic and silver and hiss of steam coming from the kitchen was any indication, Louis was still here and still very close.

Liam’s feet padded heavily across the floors, reaching the kitchen to find Louis blinking blearily and rubbing at his own eyes.

“Morning,” Liam spoke, voice low and ragged from sleep, and Louis startled with a jump. The older man chuckled after his fright, turning to face the intruder.

“Morning,” he replied with a cautious smile. “I only just got up... was hoping I’d get back before you woke up...”

Liam shrugged, walking over to the slowly cooling cup of tea Louis has made for himself, wrapping his arms around its owner’s waist.

“So, are we going to talk or pretend it never happened?” he muffled into the skin of Louis’ shoulder.

Louis chuckled, trying to laugh off the situation.

“Do we have to talk right now?” he voiced quietly, Liam humming against his shoulder. “We’re both quite tired.”

“I know,” Liam murmured. “But I think we should get it out of the way.”

There was a dull, contented silence that sounded like the universe sighing as Liam struggled to keep himself awake while the humming underneath Louis’ skin was lulling him back to sleep. They needed to sort things out, to talk about why they had kisses last night and why they always ran to each other, for that matter, and additionally Liam needed to know how Louis was holding up after the events leading to him being here in the first place. Because they couldn’t slide this under the rug and just deal with the awkward tension, they couldn’t, this had to be sorted out.

“Look,” Louis started. “I don’t know what happened last night but I think it would be best if it didn’t happen again.”

Liam thought he was prepared to be let down, but the ice in his veins said otherwise.

“What?” he gasped out, voice betraying his cool demeanour. Louis pulled back with the guiltiest expression Liam had ever seen and stuttered the rest of his explanation.

“I just... right now, I don’t think is a good time,” he stammered. “There’s just been so much going on lately and this is so fucking much by itself, I just want a break, Liam. I need to take a moment for myself...”

Louis stepped back a little.

“I’m being really selfish, I know but... I can’t...”

Liam shook his head.

“It’s not selfish, Louis,” he said sternly. “It’s taking care of yourself, which you should be doing.”

Liam felt like an outsider would laugh at them both, because last night was nothing but kissing. It was just kissing. It wasn’t sex, it wasn’t a proclamation of eternal love, it wasn’t anything physically special, but they both knew how big it was for them. They had never kissed before except for that accident on stage, and they had never done the pining thing, the unrequited love thing. Liam didn’t even realise he had feelings for Louis, or how strong they were, until last night.

Between the fans already having trouble functioning in their daily lives now that all of them were doing things separately, so the interesting life tid-bits (which, Louis really didn’t get why they all cared so much but okay) were times by five, now. That and there was currently a huge magnifying glass on Louis already, now that both he and Harry had come out but not together. Neither of them could sneeze without someone shouting, “LARRY!” and it was grating on the both of them.

Not to mention just generally having to deal with so much bullshit from being out and being One Direction and being on a break because everything was happening right now and it was all so intense and so fast-paced and Liam completely understood why Louis didn’t want to do anything that would stir even the slightest attention right now.

Because, like, part of Liam wanted to say, “we don’t have to let anyone know,” but for them, ‘not telling people’ meant hiding. It meant taking drastic measures just to avoid being spotted, carefully pushing someone out of frame of a simple Instagram picture, constantly being alert, and there was no relaxation and there was no time to actually enjoy each other’s presence.

Liam couldn’t put Louis through that. After years and years of watching him die slowly every day with every part of himself he had to shame publicly and pretend never existed, Liam could never even mention the notion hiding to Louis ever again.

“Okay,” Liam nodded. Louis’ head snapped up, worried and guilty and surprised. Liam smiled warmly, holding out his arms.

“Seriously,” he chuckled. “It’s okay...”

Louis didn’t take up the hug offer, rather crossing his arms and standing back slightly. He grinned a little, light chuckle falling from his lips.

“I don’t believe you,” he joked. “You’re taking this too well.”

Liam smiled and stepped forward to wrap his arms around Louis anyway.

“I’m not going to force you into something that you’ll hate me for,” he reasoned. “Besides, I’m kind of holding onto the hope that after your ‘me-time’ break you’ll rethink it.”

Louis laughed, a proper, genuine laugh, and wrapped his arms tightly around Liam’s torso.

They said nothing as they both stood, embracing in Liam’s kitchen, and the heart-warmed thank you was implied.

 

“So, Louis,” the host of some radio station they were at smiled warmly, and Liam felt bad for not remembering her name but it was their first work-related public interaction since they went on break and it was early in the morning and you couldn’t expect a twenty-three year old to remember who he was talking to this early in the morning.

Louis’ head popped up at the sound of his name, small smiled threatening to dance across his lips. Liam marvelled at how young he looked compared to before the break. All the rest they had gotten had resumed them to almost looking about the age they were. But here Louis was, all smooth skin and bright eyes and Liam’s heart hurt.

“Holy shit,” she swore, “Those first few months of the break really were a wild ride for you all, weren’t they?”

There were soft chuckles and Niall’s ever-honest, “Never stopped being a wild ride.”

The host chuckled again and looked at her papers. “Right, very true. I did have a specific question for Louis, sorry, love, I just got side-tracked.”

“Okay,” Louis giggled, smile spreading across his face at the beauty of unprofessionalism.

“Right, so, you’ve come out as gay, yes?”

“Yes,” Louis nodded, confirming in person for the first time and it felt like coming out all over again, only this time Harry was grinning on his right shoulder, joined by both Niall and Liam’s hands wandering across his back.

She continued on to useless questions regarding why he hadn’t come out earlier (which was answered with a straightforward, giggly, “well, it’s very simple, I wasn’t allowed to!”) and other various things (“eyes on anyone?” to which Louis smirked a “maybe…”). After a few questions surrounding Louis’ orientation, further Harry’s, (dabbling in Larry which was shot down instantly and Liam didn’t grin, that would be petty and uncalled for) (he did) the woman moved on to general questions about the new tour and the possibility of a new album, et cetera, et cetera.

Liam does not care to admit that he watched Louis the entire time, watching his timid, childish smile. Watched him grin through the questions he could finally answer, the jokes he could finally make that he hadn’t been allowed to for a whole six years.

Liam does not care to admit that when he brushed his hand against Louis’ on the way out of the room it meant more than an accident.

 

 **[@Real_Liam_Payne]** Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay

 **[@Real_Liam_Payne]** As they took his soul they stole his pride

 


	2. DELETED SCENES

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just love you guys so why not. little scenes that were written before the rest of the story had caught up, but unfortunately the plot-line changed slightly so they had to be cut.

Harry and Louis had this weird closeness about them throughout all of X-Factor and Liam, stupidly, didn’t piece it together in his head until one night when Harry’s phone rung and he practically tossed it across the room with a disgusted face.

Niall had laughed abruptly, asking who it was, and Harry had scowled at the far-away phone.

“My ex-boyfriend,” he rolled his eyes. “Literally just trying to get in contact because I’m on TV now, so that obviously means he’s very, very sorry for cheating on me. Y’know, _twice_.”

No one in the room really heard anything past ‘boyfriend’, except Louis, who was blocking out all of it with his head stuck in a book up on his bunk.

“Boyfriend?” Niall was the first to speak, as per usual, looking at Harry with drawn brows and wide eyes, jaw hanging a little slack. “Since when were you…?”

Harry looked a little taken aback, looking around the room with his lips pouted in a confused expression.

“I’m bi?” he had said, like a question, “I thought I said that ages ago?”

“No, love,” Louis suddenly piped up from above them all, not even glancing up from the book, “That would be me you told, not the rest of us.”

Harry’s mouth fell open into a soft ‘oh’ and he snorted to himself.

“Well,” he chuckled. “I’m bi. That was ex asshole. Now you all know.”

Louis snorted from the bunk at him, not saying anything more, and Niall (always the first to break the tension) started laughing too. Even Zayn giggled from his place a little further away from them on his own bunk, whereas Liam – Liam just sort of sat there with something kind of like jealousy but more like dread rising in his chest as he pieced together why Louis and Harry were always practically hanging off each other’s mouth recently.

 

**^ wrote this one then realized i already had an integral part of the plot written when harry came out _much_ later. so... oops.**

 

\--

 

Liam chuckled as he pushed a camera into Louis’ smiling giggling face, videoing the reaction the elder was about to give.

“Okay, Boo. Tell the world, is Larry real?”

“No,” Louis shook his head, chuckling lightly. “We were together a few years ago but we haven’t been together since twenty-eleven. Sorry, everyone.”

“Wait,” Liam’s face fell, and though the camera couldn’t see him they could see Louis look up at him, expression soft and open. “You and Harry were actually together?”

Louis pulled a face that clearly portrayed ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’, “Uh, yeah?”

“Oh my God, I never even knew, why was I never told this?”

Louis burst into a loud snort, cackling away as Liam turned the camera and pouted.

The video was uploaded to Instagram after permission from Harry to tell the world about their young affairs. And they all went a bit nuts, to say the least.

 

\--

 

“You remember when we used to fight?” Louis panted into Liam’s mouth, only breaking his lips away to tug his shirt off. “Like, all the time?”

“Mm?” Liam responded distantly against the dip on Louis’ collarbones, much more preoccupied with pushing the older’s joggers down his thighs.

“I only riled you up because you were really hot when you were angry,” Louis admitted against Liam’s chin, gasping as Liam’s hand snaked its way into his boxers. “I used to- oh, fuck, I used to get off to you, all angry and shit…”

Liam frowned, growling against Louis’ chest. “Me getting mad got you off?”

“No,” Louis breathed, smirking, “No, the thought of you getting mad and fucking me senseless got me off.”

 

**^ alternative to what happened when liam and louis kissed that night.... *blushes furiously***

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing to do with “Sex, Parties and Lies”/”Mentiras y Gordas”, of which the plotline is mentioned in here. I apologize to those I spoilt it for. I also do not own anything to do with “Grease” which is mentioned in here, too, nor the song by Oasis this title was taken from. And I'm sure Modest!Management aren't as bad as I've made them out to be, and I'm not just saying that to avoid defamatory allegations at all. :)


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